GIVING & RECEIVING


· Would you give someone a gift
and walk away without staying there a moment while they receive it?

· Would you throw a ball
and not keep your attention on the receiver to see if the ball was caught?

· Would you prepare the soil,
put a plant or seed in the ground and then just leave it there?


When we are making a presentation we often feel compelled to fill the room with words, a kind of out-pouring, full of nervous chatter rather than intentioned communication. We feel it is our job to provide, that the direction of the dynamic energy in the room moves only from us to them. "Get it out and get it over!" our little monkey-mind voice whispers in our ear.

However, the easiest and most effective way for us to have a true communication experience with our audience is to pay attention to them, to "receive" their presence, to converse with one person at a time, to treat each one as a very important person, to care for them and make sure they understand and feel comfortable participating in the conversation.

While a massage therapist gives energy to the body by stimulating the nerves and muscles she or he also receives information from the body as well, noticing the differences between the sides of the body, the patterns of tightness and reactions to touch. The therapist then responds and adjusts to this information.

In much the same way, our job as presenters is to gather information while we are presenting - watching and listening to see how we are being received by our audiences, noticing the patterns of response, what moves them, amuses them, when they need more information and when they have had enough.

The rhythm of this giving and receiving is determined by the natural breath - the inhalation and exhalation. The breath relaxes and calms the body, mind and spirit. Our brains are fueled by the oxygen of the breath. But when we hold ourselves tightly due to anxiety or when we race to get all of the planned agenda accomplished, we forget to breathe sufficiently for our brain to function properly, causing a temporary loss of focus.

We suddenly wonder who we are, where we are and what we were supposed to be saying. We lose our way. We lose our place. We feel ashamed. We hope nobody noticed. We fear that we have exposed ourselves as incompetent.

But there is an antidote: take a big breath, and re-engage with your audience members, one person at a time, with receptive soft focus, to give them a moment or two of your attention.

In sum, to engage our audiences we speak with one person at a time as if we were tossing a ball to them, carefully planting an idea in them or giving a gift to them. We keep breathing as we do this, and in this way we and our audiences both give and receive - we engage, we exchange and we communicate!

Happy Holidays!

If you would like to learn to give and receive when making presentations, come to our Speaking from the Heart workshop in Seattle on Friday, January 29th, 1-6.  Small supportive group, lots of practice, video feedback, coaching. See details

Appreciation 

Here we are once again in the season of Giving & Receiving and of Thanksgiving.  Few of us slow down and stop long enough to pay attention to the meaning beneath these old rituals.  We are too busy with our agendas and goals and bills and shopping and should-dos and ought-tos - sometimes going through the motions of celebrating these holidays without actually taking the time to appreciate the enormous value inherent in them.

We cook and share meals paying careful attention to the gourmet recipes and the correct serving dish while avoiding paying real attention to each other.  All of these holidays are really based in the spirit of appreciation, and yet it seems so difficult sometimes to take the opportunities they provide. To fully celebrate these holidays we need to stop and pay close attention to the deeper gifts we can give each other such as truly listening, hanging out with someone without agenda, making ourselves available to help out a friend or stranger in need.

When we are making a presentation, we are sharing our gifts - of ideas, research, skills, behaviors, attitudes, decisions.  And sometimes we forget that our audiences, too, are sharing their gifts - their attentiveness, their willingness to participate, their creative ideas, their time, their sense of humor, their difficult questions.  They are huge contributors to our presentations. 

Take the time at the end of your presentation to speak from the heart, to reflect back to your audience the great value you have experienced as a result of their participation.  Reach down into your heart and tell them just how you feel.  Appreciate them!

And have a Happy Thanksgiving!   

If you would like to learn to speak from the heart, come to our Speaking from the Heart workshop in Seattle on Friday, December 4th, 1-6.  Small supportive group, lots of practice, video feedback, coaching. Other workshops and ongoing programs are also available.  See details HERE

TRANSPARENCY

That is what we crave when we are communicating with people, isn't it?

Not the propped up, slick, guarded, same old blah, blah, blah.

When we are meeting new people, don't we love it when they are transparent, able to make a real connection with us, truly listening and have the capacity to drop their agenda and hang with us, let us see them?

As presenters, when we are hit with the normal adrenalin rush that comes naturally in anticipation of being up in front of a group, or having intense attention paid to us when we speak in a meeting, it can be challenging to be transparent.  Our brain function shifts and without our full neo-cortex capacity, we are left with our survival response to fight or flee.  In that moment we see our audiences as predators and we begin to act as prey.  If not trained as warriors, we drift toward flight, obfuscating and rushing, flustered and covering our vulnerable selves with puffery.  We are not really present, just a blur, hurtling toward the end of our presentation, filled with dread, shame  and remorse.

We really do not have to suffer this way.  It is possible for us to keep our sense of ourselves and our core message, and our mission for our presentation.  We can be present to our audiences, develop relationships with them during our presentations, inspiring them to action, encouraging them to participate and contribute their good ideas and energies to the conversation.  In order to do this we must first learn to speak from the heart, to breathe, to converse with one person at a time, to allow ourselves to be transparent and openhearted.

Learning to do this is like learning a new move, a dance step or athletic exercise.  It requires guidance and practice.  Begin with the breath - since our brains run on oxygen, we must learn to use the breath to relax and fuel up so we can be smart in the moment.  Controlling our gaze is another key element, so we may "trick" our brains to return our clear-thinking and engaging capacities.  And of course, practice is the third element to master transparency.

If you would like to become transparent as a presenter, come to our Speaking from the Heart. workshop in Seattle on Friday, December 4th, 1-6.  Small supportive group, lots of practice, video feedback, coaching.  Find out about this workshop and others here

APPETIZER

APPETIZER!

A presentation is like an appetizer. When we are preparing to make an important presentation we often feel compelled to give the audience the whole story, put in all of the details, make it the best full meal deal for our audience and client. We give them the 7-course dinner.

When we do this we are missing the point. Our audiences for the most part, want an appetizer. In fact an appetizer is all they can digest of new information at one sitting. The rest is wasted on them. Give them a few tasty ideas to nibble on and they will come back later looking for the rest of the courses. They'll want to know more about our services or product or idea.

Pare down the size and complexity of your presentation. Simplify your task. Decide what you want them to take away from the day - what you want them to communicate to others. Find 2-3 compelling points that support that take-away. Depending on the time available, you can add 1-3 sub points for each point. Now add the spices: opening story, sensory details and the main spice - interaction for each point.

STOP! That's enough! They've had a tasty taste. If they want more they will ask you for it.

Bon appetit!

If you would like to learn and practice how to construct a tasty presentation, see New Fall Workshops schedule here.

PREPARE!

Last Thursday I took my 7 year old granddaughter, Sofia, to the Ellensburg Rodeo to see her first "slack", the qualifying rounds for the hopeful cowboys & cowgirls. We sat very close to the area where they prepare for their events - a pen that is full of men and horses. It gave us the opportunity to see just what they do to prepare for their 4-12 seconds of triumph or failure in the arena.

Some prepared by jumping up and down on the soft sand to get the energy into their joints, some talked to their horses, some put baby powder on their hands so the rope would not stick when they sweated in the heat of the adrenalin rush, some were sitting on their horses in a focused meditative pose, some loosened their wrists by swinging their ropes around in tight circles above their heads (we ducked!). All were doing some or all of these. Like actors in the Green Room backstage before a show, they were preparing for performance.

As presenters, we, too, need to make a conscious preparation for our performance. We need to do some focused stretching and breathing exercises, we need to warm up our voices, we need to remember that the focus should be on our audience - not ourselves, and we need to prepare to deliver a bright note of inspiration and engagement. And then, like those cowboys, we will go on - bringing our very best to share with our audiences.

Oh, yes - Sofia and I are ready to go for a ride ourselves!

If you would like to see a few warm-up exercises, click here

If you would like a list of our new Fall Workshops and programs, click here

PLAY!

Look how engaged each of these

children are!

Play involves the whole being - body and mind - together expressing the inner spirit.

Remember when you were a kid?

When we are at play we are intensely focused, full of self expression, energy, humor, passion, daring, and wit. This is just the kind of excitement that makes a speech a great speech and a speaker a great speaker.

The key to bringing play into your presentations is to understand your audience and then brainstorm how you can get that particular audience to play with you. Their participation will increase their understanding of your core message and increase the likelihood that they will your message to others. It will empower them!

What do you think their learning style is? Left-brainers will need a sturdy structure and clear facts to back up your theories, but they also enjoy language humor and like to show off their own knowledge with quizzes and challenges. Right-brainers tend to prefer stories, role-plays, pictures, and participatory exercises. Don't assume that they will be content sitting there, just listening to your ideas and opinions. Get them involved, be playful - give them things to do, and support their participation.

It may at first seem like more work but you will soon see that play will lighten your load, energize your audience and help them learn your core message in a much deeper and enjoyable way.

And if you'd like to try this out, to practice this yourself - join us at our new workshop sessions coming up on August 13th-15th - Look for info at pivotalpresentations.com

STICKINESS!

Imagine delivering a message that is this sticky!

When your audience leaves your presentation, will they have become so attached to your message that they can hardly wait to pass it on to their colleagues?

The recipe for stickiness includes sensory details such as visuals, visual descriptions, feelings, action, gestures, props, interaction, stories, roleplays, activities, surprises . . . and I'll bet you can come up with quite a few of these yourself.

If you add these to a clear presentation structure to illustrate and illuminate your main points, your audiences will be charmed, intrigued, drawn in, entertained, as well as being informed, inspired and compelled to take action.

The stickiness will help them understand and remember your core message and important ideas.

And if you'd like to try this yourself - join us at our new workshop described here.

TRUE FRIENDS

"With true friends we can be ourselves."

Guess what!

YOUR AUDIENCES ARE YOUR TRUE FRIENDS.

They have come to have an experience with you. They are hoping for you to have a pleasurable time. They are willing to go on your trip with you. They trust you with their time and energy.

Though the adrenaline rush can make us feel anxious and separate from them, defensive, fearful and judged, the fact is all they want is for us to feel free to be OURSELVES!

So take a deep breath.

ENJOY THEM!

To learn more about working with audiences, contact Connie 206-283-7111

ALIVE!

Once again on the Greenlake trail. . . . This time we spotted a group of bluegrass musicians playing a luscious waltz on the green lawn by the blue water on one of the first lovely hot Seattle spring days in May.

Their ONE-two-three, lilting tune woke up something deep inside me. Joy!

Surely this is one of those opportunities to respond to the moment. I reached for my walking partner and we waltzed around and around on the walking path, ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three, swirling and twirling to the music and the birds and the water, and the sun and the day and the moment.

There is nothing so precious as the spirit responding in the moment. When you are making a presentation, and those unexpected moments arise – strong feelings, memories, insights, new ideas – rise to the occasion, ONE-two-three, let yourself be carried away!

For if you miss this moment, rushing through it in haste or fear, you will deprive your audience of a transformative experience.

But If you can allow yourself to linger and feel the opportunity in that moment your audience will be carried along with you, and their energetic response will magnify the delight, the revelation, the insight, the inspiration, and they’ll take that spark with them out into the world.

ONE-two-three . . . .

Want to learn how to do this for your next presentation? A couple of hours of 1-1 coaching will have you on your way - connie@pivotalpresentations.com or 206-283-7111

STILLNESS

I was having lunch with Ilmar Reepalu, the Mayor of Malmo, Sweden who is a very interesting man. He was part of a delegation of Swedish mayors touring environmental projects and organizations in Seattle through the World Affairs Council – a national organization that has a great chapter in Seattle. I served as a guide during the two days they were here.

At a meeting that morning Mayor Reepalu had asked several great questions in a slightly surprising manner. I was particularly interested in his style – he managed to garner great answers. He would raise his hand and then when he was called on, he paused at least 5 seconds before he calmly asked his question. 

I noticed that by coming from stillness, he created an expectant vacuum in the room. Everyone was so much more interested in his question than if he had blurted it out right away. In response to his questions, the answers were more thoughtful, it seemed to me.
 

At lunch I told him about my interest in his approach. He said he purposefully waited before speaking – that coming from stillness and speaking in a very calm, still manner drew more attention to his questions. 

In addition he remarked he noticed that sometimes women express a kind of nervousness in gestures and posture when they are speaking that cuts into their power, diffusing their energy and weakening their message. Too many gestures, head constantly moving, eyes darting, pacing with no purpose – these all are like visual static to the audience.
 

Stillness. This is a good lesson for us all. Especially at the beginning of a presentation. Do not hurry. Go to the podium. Put your notes, your water, your props in order. Center yourself. Take a good deep breath. Think about your first line. Look out at the audience. Wait till they are settled and you have their attention. Find one person to begin with. Take another breath. 
  
Come from stillness. Try it!

PS: Check out this amazing presentation - brilliant, passionate speaker Shai Agassi- and see how much more effective you think he could be if he had come from stillness, if he had only moved with purpose to support his points - rather than coming from nervous agitation. What do you think? Post your comments, please!

Surprised?

 

Good!

Surprise is an energetic reaction moving
from the base of the spine up through the torso
and on up to the brain -

Zinging it with energy

then up through the top of the head and out!


Surprise provokes, delights, and has the capacity to thrill!


Incorporate some element(s) of Surprise
into every presentation.

You'll wake up your audience
and make you and your message memorable.

Try it!


Ribbit!




If you would like to practice some of these Practice Tips, register for one of our many workshops - check it out here.

PRACTICE

My colleague, coach Melissa West and I were on our weekly Greenlake walk, and spied this bright fellow whizzing by on his unicycle - wow! So colorful and well-balanced . . .

So the next time he came by we talked with him. How did he choose the unicycle? He, Sanjay, told us he was a bicyclist who found himself passed by a unicyclist last year on the annual Seattle to Portland trek, the famous STP ride. So he vowed to learn it. He said it took him 3 months of daily practice to master the balance aspect of it.

Daily practice - yes! That is what it takes for mastery - daily practice. The unexpected benefit he said was more life balance as well.

There are always unexpected benefits from daily practice -
whether it is a work out at the gym, running, the breathing exercises I am always touting, meditation, flossing . . . .

Inner strength, mostly . . . confidence.

Try it!

PASSION

Oh, my!
Such presence in that word! Passion.

When you are making a presentation of any kind,
if you want to truly engage
the hearts and minds of your audiences,
you must find in your material something
that you feel truly passionate about.

This one factor - passion - makes all the difference.

No matter how seemingly dull or dry
your subject area, ask yourself:

"Why, if it's so dull & dry -
why am I talking about it?
What moves me?"

I'll bet you'll find there's an idea, an image,
specific language, a gesture, an exercise,
or a question that captures your fancy,
energizes your spirit . . .

Use that bit as the core of your presentation.
Then build upon that energy to create
the fire in your belly and the light in your eyes.

This can be the vehicle to take you out
into the minds of your large audience,
team or small group.

And into their hearts - Yes!

© 2007-2009 Constance Miller. All rights reserved.

BREATHE . . .

The word “inspiration” means to inhale, to take in, to breathe.

Breathing fully, deeply and consciously is perhaps the most important habit we can cultivate for our health, happiness and effectiveness as speakers.

Our brains run on oxygen, supplied by blood from our lungs. The pattern of breathing, the in and out in a consistent rhythm, keeps us balanced, free of anxiety.

When we are tense, we hold our breath, breaking the pattern, and depriving our brains of fuel.

We go blank and cannot remember what we were thinking about. We panic, forgetting who we are, where we are, and what we wanted to say.

The only antidote is to take a deep breath.

Our audiences also need to breathe in order to understand, to fully integrate and to later accurately remember our conversation with them.

To be most effective, take a full breath before beginning to speak, pause and breathe between ideas to refresh your mind and theirs, and take a full breath at the end during the applause.

Breathe!

© 2008 Constance Miller All rights reserved.